Stuff We Learned from TV and Movies

by Orlando C. Fernando

updated July 1, 1999

Forget school, books, and other sensible sources of factual information! Thanks to the writers and producers of television shows and movies, the American public has been educated better than ever about behavior in our society. For these wonderful tidbits, we salute them! An accompanying chart below gives you a quick reference to look up in case you need to learn more about any of these axioms.

AXIOM
General TV Drama

TV Police Drama

Soap Opera

Comedy

Pro Wrestling

General Movies

Animated Movies

Retired officers have job security. They may be reinstated anytime to solve one crime.

Heroes that take too long to hurt the enemy won't kill them or turn out to be their father.

A master plan explained to detail among the heroes will always fail; if it is whispered, as in a football huddle, the plan will always work.

All employees' desks are neat.

Overhead projectors always work for advertising presentations.

Overhead projectors never work for advertising presentations.

All successful police and detective teams include one attractive woman.

Many successful interferences in a fight include one attractive woman.

An over cocky good guy will be defeated by a supposed underdog.

Serial killers always have one friend.

General TV Drama TV Police Drama Soap Opera Comedy Pro Wrestling General Movies Animated Movies

Serial killer outfits are tailored to a T along with their fellow thugs.

Cute animals survive disasters.

Enemies sing before they commit disasters.

Housewives sing happily as they do chores.

Women require men to convict or capture their rapists.

An ex-boyfriend or renegade is better than a councilor to console a female rape victim.

Twins are either good and evil, or serious and flamboyant.

Fatal car crashes are only fatal if you have a funeral.

Apartment neighbors assist one another bare chested and in wrapped towels.

House neighbors help one another even if you can only see their eyes and forehead across the fence.

Men wear evening outfits in a park, even on the hottest summer days.

General TV Drama TV Police Drama Soap Opera Comedy Pro Wrestling General Movies Animated Movies

Women find being close to sweaty men working in a field with crops, hay, or manure very alluring.

Computer problems arise from villianous viruses or gunfire, never from a Windows program failing.

Secret plans can be found on microfiche and floppy disks, rarely CDs and through e-mail.

Kidnappers know far more about their captive's lovelife (or lack thereof) than they do.

A team with a losing season will have a sudden comeback just before the final tournament.

A team with a losing season will win the final tournament, usually with a severely injured good player.

The final winning team point will always happen in slow motion.

General TV Drama TV Police Drama Soap Opera Comedy Pro Wrestling General Movies Animated Movies

Aliens speak fluent English.

If an exploring ship gets destroyed, an exact replica of the ship can be made in a matter of days.

Spaceships should deal with asteroid belts by expert steering, not avoidance nor firepower.

Asteroid belts and planets are a non-factor for a spaceship when engaging to warp speed.

Mother ships have infinite power not requiring them to land on planets to refuel. All transportation can be done with cruising pods or teleporting passengers.

= except for dramas on the Lifetime Channel.

AXIOM	General TV Drama	TV Police Drama	Soap Opera	Comedy	Pro Wrestling	General Movies	Animated Movies
Retired officers have job security. They may be reinstated anytime to solve one crime.
Heroes that take too long to hurt the enemy won't kill them or turn out to be their father.
A master plan explained to detail among the heroes will always fail; if it is whispered, as in a football huddle, the plan will always work.
All employees' desks are neat.
Overhead projectors always work for advertising presentations.
Overhead projectors never work for advertising presentations.
All successful police and detective teams include one attractive woman.
Many successful interferences in a fight include one attractive woman.
An over cocky good guy will be defeated by a supposed underdog.
Serial killers always have one friend.
	General TV Drama	TV Police Drama	Soap Opera	Comedy	Pro Wrestling	General Movies	Animated Movies
Serial killer outfits are tailored to a T along with their fellow thugs.
Cute animals survive disasters.
Enemies sing before they commit disasters.
Housewives sing happily as they do chores.
Women require men to convict or capture their rapists.
An ex-boyfriend or renegade is better than a councilor to console a female rape victim.
Twins are either good and evil, or serious and flamboyant.
Fatal car crashes are only fatal if you have a funeral.
Apartment neighbors assist one another bare chested and in wrapped towels.
House neighbors help one another even if you can only see their eyes and forehead across the fence.
Men wear evening outfits in a park, even on the hottest summer days.
	General TV Drama	TV Police Drama	Soap Opera	Comedy	Pro Wrestling	General Movies	Animated Movies
Women find being close to sweaty men working in a field with crops, hay, or manure very alluring.
Computer problems arise from villianous viruses or gunfire, never from a Windows program failing.
Secret plans can be found on microfiche and floppy disks, rarely CDs and through e-mail.
Kidnappers know far more about their captive's lovelife (or lack thereof) than they do.
A team with a losing season will have a sudden comeback just before the final tournament.
A team with a losing season will win the final tournament, usually with a severely injured good player.
The final winning team point will always happen in slow motion.
	General TV Drama	TV Police Drama	Soap Opera	Comedy	Pro Wrestling	General Movies	Animated Movies
Aliens speak fluent English.
If an exploring ship gets destroyed, an exact replica of the ship can be made in a matter of days.
Spaceships should deal with asteroid belts by expert steering, not avoidance nor firepower.
Asteroid belts and planets are a non-factor for a spaceship when engaging to warp speed.
Mother ships have infinite power not requiring them to land on planets to refuel. All transportation can be done with cruising pods or teleporting passengers.